- Is there really something called Sex and Love Addiction? Is it real or does my husband just have very weak morals?
The term “addiction” is used to describe a pattern of behaviours, that while self-destructive, the addict cannot stop indulging in even though they experience severe consequences as a result. These may include the loss of trust, unity, family members, spouse, children, home, job etc. If this describes your partner, he may be a sufferer and will need to consult professional help for a proper evaluation.
- Will it ever get better?
There is a lot of evidence, including the personal stories of our members, to suggest that with a comprehensive recovery program, he can enter into recovery. However, this will be a decision that only he can make and spouses have little or no influence as to when he chooses to start his recovery.
- What can I do next?
Some of the most helpful ideas would be to consult a therapist or spiritual guide, join a support group, set personal boundaries and take the best care of yourself that you can.
- Do you have any suggestions of how I can control my husband’s addiction?
It has been said “You didn’t cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it”.
- Is the addiction my fault?
As with the answer to the above question, definitely not! It is not about the way you look or act or what you say or do that caused/causes him to act out. You should not blame yourself for anything that has happened.
- Are there any magic pills to stop my pain?
Many of us wish that there were. However, what we have found is that with the support of the group we have a safe place where we can share our pain and where people understand us as few others could.
- When do I know if I need medical help?
This is something your family doctor or therapist is best equipped to help you with.
- What are the age group of the members?
Our age range is varied from late twenties to mid-fifties at the present time.
- Are there any locals?
We are a group of mixed ethnicity and nationality, including locals.
10. What happens at the meeting?
We follow a structure which includes readings and sharing. We do not discuss solutions or give advice but we do explore our feelings and keep the focus on ourselves rather than on the behaviour of others.
11. Can I join even if my husband has not been diagnosed as a sex addict but has a history of infidelity?
Our group is open to those who are in a marital/primary relationship who have experienced abuse, betrayal, addiction/compulsion, deception, violence, rape, abandonment and/or neglect that has left them feeling traumatized.
12. If my husband is not in any support group, can I still join?
Absolutely. It is important that you have a support system so that you do not feel isolated in your situation.
13. Why should I join a support group? I am not the one with the problem.
Our members have found tremendous support in the group in living and dealing with addiction. In having a place to release the traumatic feelings that we experience, we find relief, empathy and a deepened understanding of ourselves.
- What do you mean when you say I can heal when my husband is still addictive?
Although we cannot control what our partners do, we can control how we respond and deal with our situations. Our meetings provide a wonderful place where you can learn to find peace with the past and face the future with more confidence regardless of whether he recovers or not.
- I have not told anyone, is the group safe for me to share such personal information?
Our group asks that all members respect and agree to keep all shares at the meeting confidential.
16. Do I have to share at the meetings?
No, sharing is strictly voluntary. However, sharing is one of the ways in we release our trauma and begin the healing process.
17. Will I have to share the details of my story?
Again, no. You may share as much or as little of your story as you like. However, as a pre-qualification to attending our meetings you will have to give an outline of your circumstances to our newcomer’s contact. This is primarily for your safety, so that you are joining a group of similar experience where you will feel comfortable.
18. How long will it take my partner to recover?
No addict actually “recovers” but many go into a lifetime of recovery.
19. How long will it take me to recover?
You will also be able to go into recovery as soon as you choose to. This involves a variety of approaches including self-care, attending meetings, doing recovery work and seeing a therapist or spiritual guide.
20. Will I be judged for staying with/leaving my partner?
Some of us have chosen to stay and others to leave our partners. We do not attend meetings to judge others situations but to release ourselves from our own trauma.